Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
home. puking in laundry basket.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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