Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Dignity is for republicans.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
