VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
