Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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