U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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