Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
