I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
