Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can't turn off my feet"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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