So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Screwed.edu
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
