Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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