In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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