if you like me you must not know who I am
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
