All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
