Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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