Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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