you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
