I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
