it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
