How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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