I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
