I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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