ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
