Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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