i permit you to call me
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
