Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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