his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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