if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
