Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
