hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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