There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
