i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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