how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
