You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
