saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
