I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
