is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
