We're facebook friends in real life
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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