That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I CAN MOONWALK!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
