when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
