she woke up with a sticky ear
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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