a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I got inside last night via doggy door
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
