He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
