It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
