but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Buhtt sex?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
