I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
