Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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