Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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