I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
