I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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