eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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