what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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