Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
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