i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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