I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
