I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I looked at my own cervix.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
