she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
