we have officially lost it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
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Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
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I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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