dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
