i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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