I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
