Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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