Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
