Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
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He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
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Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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