im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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