did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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