Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
