she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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