There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
