just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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