4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
