I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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