You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
