Well apparently he's into motor boating.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
