someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize