she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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