Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If I die, sorry about rent.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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