# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
