im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
