my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
