Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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