You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My bed smells like the plague
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
