Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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