she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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