is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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