Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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