I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
