There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
