you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
This toilet bowl is my home.
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