I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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