i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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